What do cookies have to do with funerals?

"The lowly cookie, tantalizing the taste buds of successive generations, re-presents a life well lived in love, vanished from our eyes, yet still present in the memory of the heart."

I do not enjoy attending funerals. And yet, I frequently come away from a funeral feeling peaceful and uplifted, in a subdued sort of way.  A well-celebrated funeral puts me in touch with humanity, and reminds me that each life has a transcendent meaning. 

As a funeral I recently attended illustrates, the transcendent meaning of a person’s life might be uncovered in something seemingly trivial, like cookies.

Cookies re-present a life well lived in love

On the back page of the memorial card for this funeral, there was a recipe for ginger snaps. During the eulogy, we learned that this was not the standard recipe for the cookie. The daughter of the deceased told us that one time her mother added too much flour resulting in a snappier cookie. Since she liked the cookies that way, she continued to make them with extra flour, and the cookies became a family favorite. As her daughter spoke about her mother’s love for her family, which, in typical Italian fashion, often manifested itself in platters of food at family gatherings, I could picture multiple generations of her family enjoying the crunchy cookie.

Usually memorial cards end up in my blue box, but the one from this funeral found its way into my black binder of recipes.  I have already made these cookies, and I must say, they are the best ginger snaps ever. Who knows, maybe this recipe will one day be inducted into my family’s cookie hall of fame, joining another cookie recipe – my mother-in-law’s famous oatmeal chocolate chip cookie. 

For two generations, before she passed away a number of years ago, my mother-in-law made copious batches of her signature cookie.  When her six sons were growing up, she would make 12 dozen cookies at a time, and on one occasion, two of her sons polished off almost the entire 12 dozen as the cookies cooled on the counter while their mother was out. While her grandchildren were slightly more restrained, they, too, relished her chocolate chip cookies, as I am certain her great grandchildren will in the years to come.

Ginger Snaps and Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies

Of course, cookies can never sum up the complexity of a person’s life, but they may point to a person who lived and loved well. The legacy of the unique crunch of a ginger snap, and the aroma of chocolate chip cookies cooling on a counter trigger memory, and make the person, whose love continues to surround us beyond the grave, present to us once again. The lowly cookie, tantalizing the taste buds of successive generations, re-presents a life well lived in love, vanished from our eyes, yet still present in the memory of the heart.

We do not go to enough funerals

Cookies and funerals remind us that our lives are greater than our physical presence in the here and now. We are relational beings, and our life impacts others long after we are gone. The impact we make on our family, friends and community is very much evident at a funeral in the eulogy, in the readings and prayers, and in the tears that freely flow.  It is there, too, in the reception that follows, where the sharing of cookies and other foods symbolically recalls the loving hospitality and generosity of the deceased.

We do not go to enough funerals. Indeed, funerals seem to have fallen out of fashion, with many people opting out of traditional funeral services, or any kind of communal service at all.  In my view, this is unfortunate because apart from helping us through the process of loss, funerals give us a glimpse of the totality of human life from birth to death and beyond.  In the life of the deceased, we recognize the basic ingredients of all human life, although we each have our own unique recipe for living. 

The recipes:

Oatmeal chocolate chip cookies:
(I reduce the sugar, and often omit the nuts)
1/2 cup shortening
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 egg
1 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup quick cooking rolled oats
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup chopped walnuts (optional)

Cream shortening, sugars and vanilla. Beat in egg and 1 tablespoon water. Sift together flour, soda and salt; add to creamed mixture, blending well. Stir in the oats, chips and nuts. Drop by rounded teaspoons onto a greased cookie sheet about 2 inches apart. Bake at 375 for 10 to 12 minutes. Cool slightly before removing from pan. Makes 3 1/2 dozen to 4 dozen. (I never get four dozen - guess I make them too big).

Ginger Snap Cookies
(Again, I reduced the sugar)
1 cup butter
1 1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup molasses
2 eggs
approximately 4 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp ginger
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp allspice
1/2 tsp salt

Cream butter and sugar; add molasses. Beat in eggs. Mix flour, baking soda and spices in a separate bowl, and add to creamed mixture. Cool in refrigerator for at least one hour. Roll into 1" balls then flatten with a small glass dipped in sugar. Bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes.

Women are making the desert bloom

In recognition of this year’s International Women’s Day, I attended two events. Though the character of the two events differed, they shared a common element: women around the globe are a force for change in their communities and in the world. From the macro to the micro level, women are creating streams in the desert places of human society.

World Day of Prayer 

The first event that I attended was the 2014 World Day of Prayer. The World Day of Prayer has its origins in the 19^th century in the missionary activity of women. Held annually since 1927, women from 170 countries participate.

This year, the women of Egypt prepared the ecumenical service, and not surprisingly, given the importance of the Nile River for life in the Sahara Desert, water featured prominently in the readings and prayers. The spiritually evocative theme, “Streams in the Desert”, pointed to God’s love and mercy in the parched places of human life.

As the women reflected on Egypt’s history and anticipated the future, the life-giving character of water was a metaphor for individual and community transformation.  Through faith in action, the women of Egypt aspire to “become channels of living water to the world” (Women's Inter-Church Council of Canada Ecumenical Service World Day of Prayer 2014). 

Egyptian women are continually discovering ways to make their world bloom with possibilities. From the daughter of Pharaoh, who in the biblical story of salvation defied her father to rescue the Hebrew baby who would lead an enslaved people to freedom, to the women who stood with men in Tahrir Square protesting a repressive regime, Egyptian women are agents of change, claiming their “right to freedom, justice and equality” (Ecumenical Service World Day of Prayer 2014).  Their vision extends into the future as they look for ways to preserve the waters of the Nile for future generations, and to enhance opportunities for women and girls. 

Unbreakable: One Girl Changing the World

The World Day of Prayer service prompted me to look inward for the parched places of my life that could use a little sprinkling of life giving water, and it prepared me for the second event, the screening of the film Unbreakable: One Girl Changing the World. This event took me out of my self, leading me to reevaluate my commitment to social justice at home and in places oceans away.

“Women Creating Change”, a project in the Lower Columbia region where I live, screened the film.   Before the film, we watched a video presentation that depicts some of the barriers – isolation, unaffordable housing and childcare, food insecurity, transportation costs, and claw backs to social assistance – women with low incomes struggle to overcome.  

Unbreakable: One Girl Changing the World tells the story of Malala Yousafzai who is internationally renowned for her courageous efforts to promote education for girls. Malala survived and recovered from a Taliban attempt to assassinate her, and remains committed to her mission. Not unlike Pharaoh’s daughter, the baby she plucked from the waters or the women who protested in Tahrir Square, Malala refuses to be silent against injustice; her inspiring example to empower girls through education is a stream in the desert of ignorance.

The Malala film was a natural fit with the goals of “Women Creating Change”. Tara Howse, project co-coordinator, explains, “Our project is based around identifying what prevents women in our local region from having a secure and stable future. We know that education is directly linked to the empowerment of women, which has been demonstrated to a better quality of life for their families and the rest of society.” To this end, the project hopes to establish a bursary for women. Projects like this one are made in Canada examples of women working towards the transformation of society.

The women of Egypt, Malala and “Women Creating Change” share a common goal; all want to see an increase in the opportunities for individuals to live with dignity, to realize their potential, and to live in harmony with others.

Collaborating with others, we become streams in the desert

These are matters of social justice in which we can participate, although I admit that there are times when I feel quite useless in the face of injustice. Despite these sometimes feelings of uselessness, I believe that often even a small action makes a significant difference, and that when we collaborate with others, we become like streams in the desert, helping individuals and communities to bloom.

Barbie doesn't belong in a men's magazine

"The partnership of Barbie and SI Swimsuit has nothing to do with empowering choices for girls no matter how the executives spin it."

A controversial marketing campaign

Advertisers have long used women’s bodies to make a buck, and every so often a controversial advertising campaign, like the marketing of the Barbie doll as a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit supermodel, creates a stir in the marketplace.

Coinciding with the 50^th anniversary issue of the magazine’s swimsuit edition, Mattel released a limited edition SI Swimsuit Barbie. Barbie sports a contemporary version of the doll’s original 1959 black and white swimsuit, fashionably accessorized with strappy black high-heeled sandals, jewelry and sunglasses.  

The magazine includes a four page-advertising feature of the doll, and features Barbie as an SI Swimsuit supermodel on 1,000 cover wraps with the headline “the doll that started it all”.

The Barbie debate

This latest rebranding of Barbie has reignited the debate about the appropriateness of the doll.  Some say the doll’s proportions give girls an unrealistic idea of beauty that is harmful to their self-esteem, and as evidence, they point to the number of mutilated Barbie dolls on tables at garage sales. Others argue that Barbie represents choices for women.  Mattel describes Barbie, who apparently has had about 150 careers including a run at the presidency of the United States, as “unapologetic” about her career as a SI Swimsuit supermodel.

A blast from the past - my "swimsuit Barbie"

I am neither a Barbie doll detractor nor apologist.  Like most girls growing up in the 1960’s, I had a Barbie.  The only thing I ever learned from Barbie was how to mix and match outfits and accessorize them.  I never confused Barbie with reality. I was quite sure she came from an impossibly rich family while everyone I knew worked hard for a living. No one I knew even remotely resembled her physically, let alone possessed her extensive and glamorous wardrobe.  Nor did Barbie have a negative affect on my self-image. I never felt inadequate because I had no hope of looking like her, and once I outgrew her, I never gave Barbie a second thought. She was not a major factor in my emotional development.

But then, the technology to bombard my impressionable young psyche with sexual images and messages did not exist. I grew up in the age of black and white television, watching wholesome shows like Leave it to Beaver and The Brady Bunch. We had party line telephones, not smart phones. There was no such thing as social media where today’s marketing gurus have Barbie blogging and tweeting her “#unapolgetic” message that it is okay to be a model and wear a bikini. 

Of course it is okay; girls can and do model swimsuits - for catalogues like Sears, and other department stores that sell kids clothes.  They should not be posing in swimsuits for a sexy issue of a magazine for men, and those women who are old enough to do so are not playing with Barbie dolls, following her blog, or tuning into her tweets.  

The messaging says something quite different

The marketing of this Barbie, and not the look of the doll itself, bothers me. The marketing conveys and reinforces the idea that women are sex symbols. Playing to both the imagination of children and adults, the marketing campaign links a little girl’s doll to a magazine for middle-aged men devoted to provocative photos of scantily clad women.  

Company executives want us to think that Barbie’s association with successful SI swimsuit alumni celebrates women’s accomplishments as entrepreneurs, but in proclaiming Barbie as “the doll that started it all”, the messaging says something quite different; women are dolls, and in this case, dolls are playthings for men. It is a poor, if not disturbing, message for everyone.

The partnership of Barbie and SI Swimsuit has nothing to do with empowering choices for girls no matter how the executives spin it. It is, unapologetically, about making a profit for companies. And while there are those who think the campaign is clever and witty, in my view, it is unprincipled and sad.