Pink Shirt Day: We need a conversion of hearts

Yesterday was Pink Shirt Day; a day to remind kids (and the rest of us) to take a stand against bullying; a day to drive home the message that bullying is unacceptable.

Kids can be nasty, and nastiness has taken on a whole new dimension in the digital age. In the old days, when I was a kid, we'd chant the ditty "sticks and stones can break my bones, but names will never hurt me" with aplomb when someone was mean to us. Of course, the names hurt us, but someone else would join in the chant and the bully ended up being the person on the outside of the group. The bully ended up feeling like a jerk.

In the digital age, bullying has taken on a whole new dimension. The bully can relentlessly, anonomously, and viciously badger their victim with, quite literally, deadly results. 

It is not only kids who are bullies. Teachers can also be bullies, subtly using their position of authority to demean students in front of their peers. Bullying frequently occurs in the workplace, and carries with it both an economic and social cost.

The newspaper in my home town reported on the activities that area schools had planned for Pink Shirt Day with a front page article and colour photo of students in pink shirts. One high school  gave students the chance to trace their hand and sign a piece of paper as a pledge to raise awareness of bullying and to stop it. While this is an engaging activity, with an admirable goal, it will fail unless there is also a conversion of  hearts. 

We need to become nicer people. 

The Italians have a term, "sympatico", which they use sparingly to describe a person.  It is a hard term to translate.  It is more than being nice in the sense of being pleasant and polite. My understanding of "sympatico" is that the person has an uncommon ability of always being attuned to others, and conducts themselves with sensitivity, kindness, and compassion. Not a push over or a doormat, the person who is sympatico is also humble and self-giving.  To be described as "sympatico" is an honour. 

Our aim might be to become "sympatico", but until we do, maybe we should aim to be consistently polite and pleasant to others, and model it for our kids. 

Bullying and technology

In a previous post, I commented on the negative influence of technology on child psycho-sexual development. In another post, I commented on bullying. Cyber-bullying, the spreading of malicious content about a person over the Internet, is another one of the dark sides of technology.

Internet sites that operate on an ethic of anonymity make cyber-bullying easy. Anonymity encourages some individuals to behave in a morally reprehensible fashion, without regard for the dignity of others. Anonymity of this nature permits individuals to avoid responsibility for their words and actions.

The tragic suicide of Amanda Todd has thrust cyber-bullying into our consciousness.  Amanda's suicide has become so painfully public, in part, because of her YouTube video.  It is shocking that the bullying continued after her video was posted, and it is terribly sad that sufficient help was unavailable to this young woman in the weeks between the YouTube post and her suicide.

An Internet group, Anonymous, claims to have identified Amanda's tormentor. Trying to be helpful, others have threatened the man. This is another form of bullying.

While Anonymous and these individuals undoubtedly mean well, there are problems with vigilante justice. It presupposes guilt, and if an individual is wrongly accused, their reputation remains damaged. Perhaps even more importantly for some cases, it interferes with the legitimate investigation. In the Todd case, police have said that this is hampering and slowing the investigation.

I feel for the parents of Amanda. Grieving for their daughter, coping with the feelings of guilt that usually follows a suicide of a loved one, they are now subjected to media coverage of rumours and innuendo that are getting in the way of uncovering the perpetrator or perpetrators.  

Technology is a double edged sword; it is both a powerful tool for good, and a destructive weapon.  We have an individual and societal responsibility to ensure that technology is used for good.

Update: Since I posted this a few hours ago, BC Almanac on CBC Radio featured the story of another teen who was in a situation that mirrored Amanda's. The Restorative Justice program saved the day. I think this is a good example of the shared responsibility between society and individuals to correct wrongs, to make amends, and to extend the hand of forgiveness. 

Bullying: an erosion of civility?

Maybe I was lucky enough to attend a school with an unusually nice group of kids because bullying, as we understand it today, did not seem to be a common problem. There was the occasional schoolyard punch up, which ended with the supervising teacher sending the culprits to the principal’s office with their tail between their legs. There was some name-calling, and there were some mean kids we called “bullies”. Unlike the bully of today who targets an individual, our bullies spread their nastiness around. Collectively, we avoided them when they were in a bad mood.

In my recollection, parents, teachers, and administrators simply did not tolerate nastiness. We were expected to treat others respectfully in the spirit of the golden rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  

Nor do I remember bullying being a common problem when I was teaching.  However, by the time my own children were in elementary school, bullying was emerging as a disturbing facet of school life.

When we speak about bullying today we are not talking about occasional ribbing. Bullying is

• aggressive and repeated behavior that causes harm, fear or distress to another person. 
• a targeted action against an individual 
• creates a negative environment for that person
• almost always involves some type of real or perceived power imbalance.

A serious and persistent problem in schools

Bullying is a serious and persistent problem in schools. Studies indicate that bullying occurs every 7 minutes on the playground, and every 25 minutes in the classroom. Twenty-five percent of students in Grades 4 through 6 have been the victims of bullying. One in 7 students between the ages of 11 through 16 have been bullied. The top two reasons students are bullied are appearance, and real or perceived sexual orientation. Bullying in schools is often subtle, and not easily detected.

Legislators and educators recognize that students must feel safe and secure in order to achieve their potential socially and academically. To this end, the provinces of Ontario and British Columbia recently announced measures to create safer, more accepting schools.

Action in Ontario 

With Bill 13, the “Accepting School Act”, Ontario will implement a number of anti-bullying measures. Schools will have to develop and implement an inclusive education policy, and provide professional development programs, intervention, and support for students. School boards must support students who wish to establish clubs that promote an inclusive learning environment, especially in the areas of gender equity, anti-racism, sexual minorities, and disabilities. This makes sense given the reasons for bullying.

The Catholic Bishops of Ontario had taken exception to the province's insistence that Catholic schools must allow students to use the  name "Gay-Straight Alliance" (GSA). At issue was the right of the Catholic school to handle bullying based on sexual orientation in a manner consistent with Gospel principles and Church teaching on homosexuality. The Bishops' statement placed the issue within the realm of religious freedom. 

A difficulty with the position of the Ontario Bishops regarding GSA is the research from EGALE Canada which shows that schools that have a GSA are more successful in reducing bullying because of sexual orientation than schools without GSA. There is a good argument that naming a problem helps to solve the problem.

With the passage of Bill 13 into law, Cardinal Collins, in a prepared statement for the bishops, said that the schools will "seek to foster safe and welcoming school communities".  Mario Gazzola, chair of the Ontario Catholic School Trustees Association, noted that although schools will continue to use their "Respecting Differences" guidelines, Bill 13 will take precedence as necessary. 

Action in British Columbia

British Columbia is introducing ERASE (Expect Respect and a Safe Education). ERASE Bullying is a 10-point plan that the government says will “help prevent, identify, and stop harmful behaviors by children and adults, whether online, at school, or in the community”.  ERASE will include a smart phone app for anonymous reporting, a five year training program for educators and community workers, a dedicated safe school coordinator in every district, and new online resources for parents. The plan will ensure consistent policies across the province.

Bullying a major challenge in the workplace

Students are not the only victims of bullying. An International Labour Organization report from 1999 described physical and emotional bullying at work as a major challenge for the 21^st century.  Workplace bullying, which is usually gender based or racially motivated, takes its toll on the individual and the economy. People who are bullied at work spend 10 – 52% of their workday defending themselves, networking for support, and thinking about the situation; many end up taking mental health leaves.

Ontario, Manitoba, Saskatchewan and Quebec already have some legislation in place to address bullying in the workplace. British Columbia is making changes to the Worker’s Compensation Act to address workplace violence; many employer groups within the province support this effort. 

It wasn't the age of niceness, but ...

I didn’t grow up in a golden age of tolerance, nor were people necessarily nicer, but civility was the order of the day.  We didn’t need written codes of conduct in schools or workplaces to teach us how to behave towards others. It was obvious in the world around us. Youngsters spent their free time playing outdoors, not creating avatars to viciously destroy others in video games. People were exposed to wholesome models on television, not to mindless shows where demeaning others passes for entertainment. Political leaders were forceful and respectful at the same time. When Pierre Elliot Trudeau said, “Fuddle duddle,” Canadians were upset. Nor were mean spirited attack ads part of the political gig. 

Bullying is a failure of one individual to recognize the common humanity that they share with another individual. Small children have no problem with the concept of common humanity; they naturally accept others as they are. Those who become bullies learn their behavior from somewhere. Is it possible that bullying is symptomatic of a general lack of respect for others and the gradual erosion of civility within society?

Kindness should always be fashionable. A little more of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”, might go a long way in reducing bullying in schools and the workplace.