The blue box of New Year's Resolutions

It’s three weeks into January, and it’s time to check our progress on those New Year’s resolutions that we embraced with enthusiasm.

I have a standard resolution: stop eating sweets after the Christmas holidays. Because we had an excess of chocolates and baking this year, it was necessary for me to approach this resolution strategically. While the chocolates were in the pantry, and the baking was in the freezer (frozen cookies are the most tempting), there was no point tackling this resolution. The best course of action, and I undertook it with aplomb, was to finish up the treats first. With that dutifully accomplished, I have conquered my first resolution of 2013. 

My policy for resolutions: "reuse and recycle"

Photo: public domain

I am prone to repeating resolutions from year to year. My New Year’s resolution policy might best be described as “reuse and recycle”. The plethora of advice on how to keep New Year’s resolutions suggests that many people share my policy.

Our good intentions to remake our selves are usually short lived. Before the end of January, the majority of our resolutions are languishing in the blue box, waiting to be picked up, dusted off, and reshaped. 

Breaking free from our excesses

Many New Year’s resolutions focus on physical wellness. Year after year, weight loss, fitness, smoking cessation, and reducing alcohol consumption top the lists of the most popular resolutions. With resolutions of this type, we seek to break free from our excesses, and to transform some aspect of our self.

While our resolutions are not outwardly spiritual, there is an underlying spiritual context to our annual obsession with self-improvement. Our resolutions express our desires for a new beginning. We seek to heal the past, and to improve the future. Our resolutions are signs of hope. This hopeful longing for transformation is an expression of spirituality.

Based on the lists of popular resolutions, the majority of us rarely consider our need for spiritual wellness. Spiritual practices do not appear on our lists. This seems to me to be an unfortunate omission. Spiritual practices, when incorporated into our regular routines, will gradually accomplish the substantive transformation for which we long.

While not a quick fix, spiritual practices are life giving

Praying hands - public domain

In my experience, spiritual practices are much like resolutions. As our initial enthusiasm wanes, they become hard to keep. Resolving to pray, to read spiritual texts, to attend church, to comfort the afflicted, or to serve the poor, for example, does not mean that we will consistently do so. Like other resolutions, spiritual practices are not a quick fix. We do not suddenly become saints because we try to pray more, just as we do not become super models because we try to lose a few pounds. 

There is a difference between our efforts to incorporate spiritual practices into our lives, and our attempts to remake our selves through New Year’s resolutions. That difference lies in the ability of a spiritual practice to deepen our friendship with God, our knowledge of our selves, and our willingness to reach out to others.  And so, I have always found that spiritual practices are life giving, regardless of the number of times I fish them out of the blue box.

"The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel" Review

In “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel”, a group of British seniors, for a variety of reasons, “outsource” their retirement to India.  Despite the simplicity and predictability of the plot, the film works because of the outstanding cast of seasoned British actors, which includes, among others, Judi Dench, and Tom Wilkinson. Fans of Downton Abbey will enjoy Maggie Smith’s performance as Muriel, the bigoted old bag, and Penelope Wilton's
portrayal of an unlikeable, and excessively negative, domineering wife. 

The characters are strangers to one another until they meet en route to Jaipur.  They are the first group of guests at the hotel, whose proprietor, Sonny (Dev Patel of Slum Dog Millionaire fame), has misrepresented its grandeur in promotional material.  Sonny’s idea is to restore the property and “outsource aging” because people in the west dislike the elderly.  There is a pointed comment about contemporary western attitudes towards the elderly in Sonny’s dream of creating a “home for the elderly, so wonderful that they will simply refuse to die.”

This charming movie deals in a lighthearted way with the challenges of aging as it explores issues such as health, loss and loneliness, independence, and financial constraints. As the characters attempt to reconcile the changes that come with aging, the audience is treated to some relevant insights about life.

The young, optimistic Sonny lives by the mantra, “Everything will be all right in the end. So if it is not all right, it is not yet the end.”  Even though he describes his life at one point as a series of “catastrophes”, he is unshakeable in his conviction that things eventually work towards the good.  Sonny embodies the virtue of hope.

Smith’s character, Muriel, has gone to India for a free, fast tracked hip replacement as part of a pilot program. At her age, she could die during the 6-month waiting period at home. She sarcastically tells the doctor, “I don’t even buy green bananas!”  Her hilarious delivery packs an important “carpe diem” punch.

The poignancy of Muriel’s situation is revealed as the film progresses. She is a single woman who dedicated her life to serving one family. As she aged, the family replaced her with someone younger. Muriel struggles with feelings of rejection and uselessness, but she is not ready to give up living.  Perhaps more than any other character in the film, she transforms her situation by first transforming her inner self, and then goes to work transforming the hotel into the place of Sonny's dream.

In order to supplement her meager income, Evelyn (Dench) finds a job at a call center as a cultural adviser. Confused about technology at the beginning of the film, she blogs about her experiences in India on the “interweb”.  She posts, “The only real failure is the failure to try, and success is measured by how we cope with disappointment.” Evelyn, who  blissfully relied on her husband, now deceased, is confronted with a series of disappointing realizations. Circumstances pushed her out the door of her comfortable life. Her post is an encouraging shove to anyone who finds it difficult to wander out of their established comfort zone.

While Evelyn who holds the movie together, Graham (Tom Wilkinson) emerges as the most sympathetic character.  Unlike the other characters, we have to wait to discover Graham’s reason for retiring to India.  Graham is in search of reconciliation and healing. He is haunted by an incident from his past, and has spent a lifetime living with regret and guilt.  Graham is finally able to forgive himself when he confronts the past and discovers that the consequences of the incident were much graver in his imagination than in real life.  Graham’s story speaks to the difficult reality of healing painful memories, and learning to forgive one’s self for the perceived or actual wrongs one has done.

As the film nears its happy conclusion, Evelyn comments, “Nothing here has worked out quite as I expected.” Muriel sagely replies, “Most things don’t, but sometimes what happens instead is the good stuff.” Life is mystery. We know the characters in our own story, but the plot of our life frequently unfolds in ways we could never imagine.

At its core, this film is about people transforming their situations, and positively affecting the lives of others. The movie is refreshing in its ability to communicate its messages in a gentle and often humorous fashion. While I didn’t agree with the choices that some of the other characters made en route to transformation, I left the theater with a smile on my face and in my heart.

Resurrection

Transformed in the tomb
Searching for treasure: An Easter morning tradition

Easter brunch at Nana’s was a big event in the life of our children and their cousins. It was the site of a traditional egg hunt. After everyone had a basket full of chocolates, gleaned from numerous outdoor locations, Grandpa would gather the children and read a little poem. The poem held the clue to the location of the treasure, a gold mesh bag of chocolate nuggets.

I remember one Easter in particular. Our daughter, about 4 years old, stood very quietly, listening attentively. Grandpa finished reading the poem and the boys dashed off. Our daughter remained still until she had solved the puzzle.

As she was on her way to retrieve the treasure, one of her older cousins, observing her movements, outran her, triumphantly grasped the treasure and exclaimed, “I found it!’ He ran off, the cousins (all boys) in pursuit, to show us. Our daughter remained at the spot, crying.

Even though the treasure would eventually be shared out, the hunt created tension. Who would be smart enough, fast enough and wily enough to get to the treasure first?

Our daughter held in tension the elements required to successfully discover the treasure’s location. She was able to sit with the mystery of the puzzle to unravel its meaning, whereas enthusiasm powered the boys as they ran all about.

The first Easter morning: John 20: 1-18
Tension characterizes the dawn of the first Easter morning.

In John’s Gospel, Mary of Magdala goes to the tomb of the crucified Jesus and finds it empty. Afraid that someone has stolen the body, she runs to find Peter. 

Together with Mary, Peter and another disciple run back to the tomb.

 Peter and John Running to the Tomb (1898)
Eugene Burnand
Musee d'Orsay, Paris

The two male disciples enter the empty tomb, notice the discarded burial cloths and run off, leaving Mary alone.

The male disciples, like little boys searching for treasure, are in a hurry. They are unable to be still in the presence of the mystery confronting them. Peter discovers the treasure but does not fully grasp its meaning before running off to share the news with the others.

Mary Magdalene (1535-1540)
Giovanni Girolamo Savoldo
 National Gallery

Mary, however, holds her grief, fears, confusion and hope in tension. She remains weeping at the tomb. She is prepared to wait, to inquire and to discover. And so, Mary is the first to enter deeply into the mystery and presence of the risen Jesus.

Weeping at the tomb: a universal experience

There are times when life leaves us weeping at the tomb. Disappointment, humiliation, illness, suffering and loss can take us into the darkness of the tomb. Anger, shame, grief and sorrow are the burial cloths that obscure our vision. Slowly, we emerge from the pain of our personal crucifixions to re-experience the joy of living.

In the passion, death and resurrection of Jesus, we see the pattern of human experience, the cycle of mini deaths and resurrections that transform us.

The resurrection is not only a future hope we hold in our hearts. We experience resurrection now. Out of our bleakest experiences we emerge with a treasure, nuggets of wisdom forged in the darkness to illuminate our rising.

May your Easter be blessed with the joy of transformation. Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia!